Despite occasional flurries of paper airplanes in the back of the Athletics and Convocation Center (ACC) bleachers, Lori Bednarchik—speaker, facilitator, and educator—taught students how to establish relationship boundaries during her March 31 address.
The Samuel S. Talbot Memorial Fund, which sponsored Bednarchik’s visit, was established in 1993 and welcomes speakers to campus to discuss behavioral issues and student well-being. Past speakers include Jake Thibeault ’22, a Milton alumnus who became paralyzed from the waist down in a hockey accident and discussed his journey towards overcoming adversity.
Bednarchik advises young people to “think about who they are and what they want and know that they deserve that in their relationships… [Her] message is that we all deserve to be in healthy relationships, and being able to identify what is healthy is a really important part of that,” Upper School Counselor John Lee explained. “For the last couple of years, there has been this idea amongst students that the school does not do enough educating around relationships and consent.” He added that, with “HS&R (Human Sexuality & Relationships) not [being] a mandatory course, some have criticized the school for inadequately equipping students to have conversations around healthy boundaries and relationships.” Those reasons were in “the periphery” when Bednarchik was chosen to come speak.
Bednarchik’s speech began with an interactive element, during which she introduced different relationship habits, and students indicated with green, yellow, and red papers whether they thought the habit was healthy. After the activity, Bednarchik discussed her own relationship experiences and delivered advice on how to effectively establish relationship boundaries.
Erin Breva ’27 found Bednarchik’s messaging impactful. “If you’re going into any kind of relationship, and you’re not thinking about what you want or don’t want out of it… It's as if you’re going into a class without having done your homework.”
Nika Fernandez ’27 plans to implement Bednarchik’s messaging into her own life: “For me, having time for myself is important because at Milton, you’re surrounded by so many people all the time, and it is important to take a step back and realize what you need for yourself.” She added, “To a lot of people, boundaries are seen as more of a thing that older people have… and so a lot of toxic habits get by.” Despite Fernandez taking HS&R, she still found Bednarchik’s speech educational as Bednarchik “brought in many modern examples” of relationship dilemmas into her speech.
In contrast, John Hackett ’26 found nothing in Bednarchik’s speech “revolutionary.” He explained, “I think people [set boundaries] all the time, even if they’re not explicit about it.” Likewise, Will Frazier ’28 felt that her messaging “wasn’t super applicable to the real world” and that “some of her strategies of thinking through things and maybe writing down boundaries you want to say are inefficient, and it would be easier to just get to the point with the person.”
Similarly, though Hudson Tulman ’29 found the topic of boundaries important to discuss and thought Bednarchik’s “points made sense,” he also expressed that “the way she suggested going forward was a little hardcore… I wouldn’t go up to each of my friends immediately [after meeting them] and say ‘can we set some boundaries?’” Also, having discussed such topics at his previous school, Tulman reflected that he doesn't think he “would do much of anything differently if [Bednarchik] hadn’t presented.”
In the interactive activity where people identified red flags, Bednarchik hoped to demonstrate how, when establishing boundaries, “there is an in-between that makes it really difficult” to determine whether or not a partner’s habit is a red flag. However, the activity soon prompted mischief. Fernandez found the activity “engaging” but struggled to focus afterward because people began crafting the slips of paper into paper airplanes. “I got hit multiple times by paper airplanes and tried my best to keep focused, but there was too much happening.”
“There [were] lots of people chatting behind me,” said Sam Breyer Essiam ’28, describing his fellow students’ unruliness. When Bednarchik began delving deeper into each example without any more interactive elements, “it just became [Bednarchik] talking at us... and people were ready to go.” Breyer Essiam also expressed how people struggled with attention, as it was the first week back from break and students were less engaged.
To increase student engagement, Breva suggested that the “presentation should have been in smaller groups, taught by HS&R leaders, not in the bleachers where you’re breaking your backs.”
Despite the commotion in the audience, Bednarchik reported “really positive feedback.” She explained, “I had a few students come up to me afterwards and say, ‘I have this thing going on and I really needed [your speech] because you helped me think through how I will move forward.”